Long After It’s Necessary

When my grandmother turned 100 we all went home to Wisconsin to celebrate. She was surrounded by her friends and family: children, grandchildren and great children. It was a wonderful celebration. Mabel was in good health and we all agreed we’d probably see each other again in a year to celebrate 101.

On my way home to California I got to thinking What will Gram do this year? We would all be busy raising her great grandchildren and working our jobs. What would she be up to? Her world had been reduced to one room. It was pleasant enough and she was well cared for. True she spent most of her day snoozing in her chair. Still . . . I wanted to stay connected to her in some way. I sent her a card reminding her of her lovely birthday celebration. I thanked her for the legacy she was leaving our family, one of faith and love. The next week I was still thinking of Gram. So I sent another card. Just an “I love you.” across the miles.

So it began, I started sending Mabel cards every week. Often times I would just remind her who I was and that I loved her very much. Mabel lived to be 101.3 (at that age you get to count the three extra months!). When they cleaned out her room there was a pile of cards from me. It was a surprise to see she had saved them all. It was also a reminder to me how much this simple gesture meant to her. Long after it was necessary to send her a card remembering her birthday I had stayed connected with her.

I have found remembering someone long after it’s necessary is a very good thing. A co-worker broke her leg severely and would be out of work for three months. Of course the office sent her a card and flowers in the first week. But as time went on no one really talked about her. There was the occasional, “I wonder how Kathy’s doing?” but nothing more. She’d called the office once or twice to give us an update but it was difficult for her to connect with us. We were busy working and she was busy healing. But I sent her a card every week. Just to let her know someone was thinking of her, someone remembered she was missing. When she did return she came to me with a smile and a tear, “Those cards made we wait for the mail the arrive. Something to look forward to in my day. Thank you so much.”

I know I sound like a Hallmark commercial but a simple card really does brighten a person’s day. And it bridges the miles. Email is great to a point but having a card you can hold and reread is so comforting. I keep cards coming long after it’s necessary. The friend recovering from surgery. The distant relative dying of cancer. The widow still grieving. With the initial news of these situations people are flooded with cards and prayers and food. But then as the rest of the world gets back to it’s routine these folks are left to heal alone. Two, three, or ten months down the road they are still hurting and wanting a connection with family and friends and we often forget them.

But what will I say? you wonder. When I was sending letters to Gram I simply told her I loved her. I might include a mention of the weather. And it was always easy to remind her of some happy memory we shared. Remember the time we. . . When sending cards to someone who was in a long recovery period I send encouragement for sure, but some times I sent cards acknowledging what a raw deal this was. “I know you are having some hard days. I am still thinking of you.” But won’t that upset them even more? Maybe, but more often it’s a comfort to know someone realizes they are still in a hard place. Of course the easiest thing to send is a funny card, a silly picture or a funny thought. Just sign your name to it and offer your love. For a moment they will be surrounded by joy.

Gram never got to tell me she loved getting cards. And I have sent off many that did not get acknowledged, but that’s not the point. The point is remembering those we love and need to care for and following through with concrete evidence. I know this works. I’ve gotten a few cards of comfort myself and I keep them long after it’s necessary.

Posted 4/17/2008 @ 10:16 AM | Weekly Thoughts