Worry Returns

I thought I gave that over to God to handle? What is it doing stuck in my head? I got a phone call that ignited my worry. I was burning with the same anxious thoughts I had several weeks ago. This isn’t fair. I’m done with this. I was once again at a loss for how to pray about my concerns. I called a dear friend. Will you pray for me? She reminded me a the serenity prayer:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

I’ve heard of this prayer, but I’ve never used it. Maybe it was time to try. I started saying the prayer the moment worry would flare up. Nothing happened. Well this isn’t working. Then I started listening to the words in my head. Grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot change. I was still sure I fix everything if I just tried really hard. I was obviously missing the point. Wait. Listen. There are things you cannot change. A little peace came. It didn’t last. I had to pray again and again and again. Well you get the idea, I had to keep close to God. He was offering a little serenity each time I asked for it and I was asking over and over.

Now,courage to change the things I can. Well nothing is in my control I can’t change anything. This is all happening to me. It’s such a mess I’m just stuck worrying. I skipped this line of the prayer. There was nothing I could do, God would have to fix it for me. Grant me the wisdom to know the difference. I paused there to think about what I was praying. Wisdom. I am asking for wisdom and clarity. I want to know what is in my power to fix. I need to know the next step and only wisdom will offer me an idea. Huh, I guess this prayer really does work if you slow down and actually use it. A little more peace came. I kept praying.

Grant me serenity to accept what I cannnot change. I want peace and I want to give up this worry. I want to stop banging my head against the wall. Courage to fix what I can change. Huh. I have to take responsibility for my worry, I have to put it in prespective. I have to look at it closely and decide what is it I have control over and can change. I tried. Looking closely I found the first thing in my control was the power to pray for help so I grabbed it.

Now for the big finish: Grant me the wisdom to know the difference to know between what I can change and what I can’t. Isn’t this obvious? Shouldn’t I easily be able to see what I have control over and what I don’t? Well I was having trouble getting it straight so I kept praying. I am still looking for wisdom but I am praying the serenity prayer with the conviction.

Posted 7/19/2006 @ 9:29 PM | Weekly Thoughts